I have a red leather suit with quite a history, it has been through much evolution with me, about twenty years or so. Currently my red leather suit is in Texas at one of my girlfriends/sisters. I am currently living in Cancun, Mexico, as I moved here in October of 2017. I get to make trips back and forth to Texas for work, family and fun on occasion as I am about to return October 1st for work for nine days, fortunately I will get to see family and a few friends too ~ my sisters.
The sea air down here is not good for leather so when we decided to buy a home here I chose to leave my red leather suit with my best friend. She then got the opportunity to move close to the ocean in Florida so asked what I wanted to do with it. This suit and I have a history, I cannot just discard it so I told her to just give it back I will keep it at my address with my Mom in Texas. So she gave the suit to another girlfriend to give to me on my last trip to Texas and I forgot it so that girlfriend who is going to visit our friend in Florida gave the suit to another sister to give to me this time when I come to Texas. I have resolved to this as this suit has been through so many changes and so many beautiful hands with much love that this red suit is only more special as it has evolved many years, miles but through my personal evolution.
You see, I bought the red leather suit back in 2001 I think it was. I was in a marriage and struggling. I had two young children and had pretty much lost myself. I had qiven up drugs and alcohol in 1997, but did not understand that I would not be so-called” normal” after, I thought I would know things “normal” people knew without being normal, I don’t why or where I thought I would pick that kind of behavior up. Any way one of the things that “healthy” people know that I did not was boundaries. So when my husband would get angry/rage and I would get triggered from the wounds of my past I would get angry but did not know how to communicate my anger so I would pull an I love Lucy move and go buy myself something nice. I would get upset with him and go to the bedroom and sulk, then pull out the Spiegel catalog and shop. That is how the Red Leather Suit came into my hands and home. My husband and I had unhealthy communication skills, he got mad a lot and I shopped a lot and it didn’t fix anything. We ended up divorcing in 2002 and bankrupt as well cause I got mad (shopped) a lot too. So far my red leather suit had only been in that house, and occasionally to the Catholic church that the kids and I attended with my husbands father.
The next journey that red leather suit would take is through the single-mom chapter of my life and a whole lot of healing. No more Catholic church though for the red leather suit as this was Divorce #2, I already could not be Catholic because of Divorce #1 and no annulment and even though taking RCIA twice, still no annulment therefore, a new faith for my new single life too. I actually did not have much of a resume or education that would have me in a job where I would get to wear my red leather outfit. I had worked in the family donut business, driven courtesy cars, and worked as a school lunch lady so I could have a flexible schedule and owning a Karate studio (having a second degree black belt myself, you see when I got clean I wasn’t sure if a 12 step program alone could do it so my obsession became Karate). I had five years clean and five years in karate when I became a single-mom but did not have the knowledge how to support myself well with two kids so it was challenging to say the least. The comfort zone took me back to choosing to be a lunch lady so my kids newly from a broken home could hopefully have a little of what they may have considered security in my being present. That did not provide much income and I continually wrote hot checks out of feeling guilty cause I didn’t have as much money as their dad but I did have custody and was fortunate that he did pay child support. I felt bad about myself but thought at least I didn’t breed with a deadbeat. Growing up in a home where the parents fought for twenty years before divorcing and the confusion and insecurity that brought I thought I was making the better choice for my kids and thank God I had therapy!
Between my sponsors in both NA and CODA (Codependency, I learned to take my power back instead of giving it away and owned my shit) and with the help of my therapist I would be wearing that red leather suit in no time instead of a hairnet. You know, I didn’t achieve or complete anything really until I worked the 12 Steps. I did achieve the belts that led to the 2nd Degree Black Belt but that was all a gift of recovery. I also got my GED through the encouragement of my therapist. That being said it didn’t take me long to figure out that I did not have to wear the hairnet to work but that I could become Security for the schools so I changed from the lunch lady to security. I loved that cause I got to work with troubled children like I was. This somehow helped me comfort and have compassion for the inner child in me as I watched these kids struggle… or not and got to bond with many of them. I was safe and I paid attention to them, they loved that. I got to look into many of and at least one of the same mirrors that I looked in as a young insecure tween and remind my grown self with the same eyes that thought I was “less than” that I am a precious child of God and this universe. I started believing it. That, and that I am good enough!
I was then wearing my red leather suit to church. I found a church that was my cup of tea and accepted me. It was Unity Church of Fort Worth. I got to learn about different faiths and love for all. My kids were welcomed no matter what they chose to wear, they didn’t have to be scripted or feel less than, they were accepted even with” out of the box” ideas that they cleverly had. My son was rambunctious and rowdy and my daughter sweet and sensitive. They would sometimes fight and our church could be considered a hippie church as it had no dogma, only peace and love, I would remind my kids of this and they would reply, “we aren’t hippies!” haha! I could wear my red leather suit or blue jeans with holes, no one cared. My son in rebellion one day when I was telling him to get ready for church said he was going “goth'” I told him okay, just come on!
I had found my “Fairy Goddess Mother” therapist, life coach at my hippie church. The ministers late wife, Davis Roach used to say “when you are having a bad day wear red and behave magnificently!” I had a lot of bad days struggling to pay bills. My “Fairy Goddess Mother,” Lynda told me that while I may feel full and fortunate having my job and helping as I do at the school that my wallet didn’t and that my not being able to pay my bills wasn’t good for my soul. She was right, as usual, so here I get to embark on another journey, my time was complete with the schools that I loved so much. I had healed what I needed to heal there and my kids were struggling as a result of my healing. I got a job selling cars, I got to wear my red leather suit there but that was not at all enough pay for the hours and absence from my kids. When I worked for the schools on occasion I would do side jobs organizing or decorating, I had always loved doing that, I had always had the cutest apartment, house and etc. I had a talent for taking chaos to clarity, and ugliness to beauty, finding potential. I didn’t know that was a gift but would later through my therapist/coach and sponsor would figure it out. I really lacked confidence and that red leather suit looked confident but couldn’t give me the confidence I needed.
Being a grown up is hard!!! I had to learn through my life coach not to take life so seriously. I had to learn from my sponsor about perseverance and love. I got to pay that forward by befriending and helping other ladies. I found out that they were just like me, that they too had struggled and had struggles and just like those kids I had helped at the school found that through helping other women that I could see myself in them too. We had parties, we laughed, ate and drank coffee. We were models for each other, some had more recovery than others but we were all equally important. These ladies taught me things about life, love and responsibility and I in turn got to pay it forward. I didn’t have to wear a red leather suit for power or an armor to keep them out as I accepted them more and more I was willing to accept myself. I only needed my red leather suit for interviews to get a better job to take care of my kids. I failed a typing test 37 times, that suit wouldn’t even help that. Typing was not my passion. I finally passed the test though and could start wearing the red leather suit to jobs, I had one for a couple of years as I continued to grow mentally, spiritually, emotionally, and financially but then it just closed down. I was taking better care of my daughter, my son had moved in with his dad, things were more comfortable and then the business shut down.
Right and perfect time though, with all the healing and confidence I had acquired from recovery, therapy, coaching, and friends I was able to collect unemployment and go back to school to be a paralegal. Going to school was fun and on occasion or two I think I probably even got to wear my red leather suit. I graduated paralegal school and just knew the next year when I graduated was going to be a very powerful year in which I would probably wear that red leather suit a lot. I was wrong!
I finished my classes with a 3.9 average and was ready to graduate, was waiting in fact through the holidays, then March of 2011 before Graduation I lost my only first-born son and my daughter had a bad accident, a tragedy that affected my family and five others. I would not be worrying about wearing my red leather suit to say the least. I would instead be grieving my son, trying to help my daughter heal taking her to various therapies. I was pretty powerless, unmanageable, insane and doing my best just to make decisions. Once again with the help of my family, fairy goddess mother, sponsor, sponsees, friends in recovery, my hippie church, and countless others I would walk the stage to get my paralegal certification. You know what though, after landing my first paralegal job and the attorney being more interested in sending me winky flirty texts and emoji’s I decided being a paralegal wasn’t for me either but I am grateful for the learning experience it gave me.
A lot had changed for me. I had gone from anger and insecurity fueling my decisions to peace and love through my journey and all those fantastic people I had learned to love and trust. I was more able to trust myself, enabling myself to have better and fuller relationships. I began to have an intuition about the people that were safe in my life and could embrace people much quicker and my friendships continued to get deeper and more meaningful. I had learned that not just the people, but the universe has my back, a red leather suit is not necessarily necessary, it doesn’t protect me. I have a huge faith, it is mine and mine alone. I am valid, worthy, legit, love, and damnit I’m a precious child of this universe!
I worked as an apartment assistant manager and didn’t get the pay I desired and was able to make the decision not to organize and decorate on the side but to do it full time. I didn’t get mad at the apartment owner to make my decision, I freakin valued myself and just wished them well and went on my way to a new and better life. I have learned to behave magnificently without a bad day or wearing red. Making decisions without being mad is cool!
I ended up dating my ex-husband, then re-marrying him and eventually moving to Cancun, Mexico. You see I don’t like the cold. Through my journey to my adult adulthood I remembered as being a child of this universe how as a kid I loved the Mexican part in Six Flags and that as a kid I wanted it to be Summer all the time so we ended up here. Then I decided that I needed to have a job, I’m too young to retire. One of my friends suggested that I become a life coach, made perfect sense. The clients that I had in my organizing and decorating business in Texas were often times going through transformations/transtions, or in a sense healing. I understood with my bankruptcy how we may try to heal from the outside in and it all came together how I help people organize their thoughts and decorate their perspectives, that’s what I do, that’s what I have always done. I got a web page which is where you are finding this blog, I began writing and committed to write a monthly blog after years of not writing after losing my son as I never wanted to see my pain on paper, I think I am getting braver. I have a YouTube channel that I post a weekly video on trying to help people remember that love and peace are still the answer. I have learned that I can turn on my light and it doesn’t matter if anyone sees me or not as long as I know the intention of my soul. Blessed be!
Now I get to learn about business, one of my favorite coaches is Lisa Nichol’s, I watch her videos, read her books and follow instructions. With all this being said this is where it leads to (sometimes with my client’s, especially the young ones, we have this rabbit hole discussion, they don’t know where I am going but they seem to follow and have some humor when we get there). Lisa Nichol’s has us do a meditation where we picture ourselves in our outfit walking across the stage, she asks what we are wearing. I would try to picture it but I really didn’t do it with certainty. I have teased about doing a TedTalk because I have learned through my journey that I have a purpose and that we all have something to say, we all do but sometimes we need to relate and maybe someone can relate to me. Through all my experiences and those people who worked with me and allowed me to cry and see all those ugly bits about me, I owe it to them to pay it forward and to not play small and to put on my confidence and THEN that red leather suit and strut my stuff and share my development plan or whatever speaks to someone else that will help them find their power and voice ~ And so it is!
I have not yet been asked to do a TedTalk but it could happen, I didn’t know that when I bought that red leather suit in my lack of boundaries, voice and self-love that I would be where I am today living a beautiful life in a beautiful place, going from waiting for the other shoe to fall to running around barefoot most days. Life is incredible, remarkable and yes sometimes painful but it is ours and we are fortunate to be here, we have the power to change our lives, it’s nothing we buy, nothing we watch, it’s the power and permission we give ourselves to live, love, learn and grow. As above, so below!
By the time you all read this I will be going back to Texas for 10 days, you’ll know if you have read this far. I will get my red leather power suit and have a ceremony where my sisters touch it and bless it, my fairy goddess mother and all who come in contact with me/it while I’m there knowing that through all the adventures all the energy/power that was given to me merged to that suit. That suit is even more powerful and not because it is red and leather but because of the journey, I have a voice and boundaries now because of all the people who have touched my life and the experiences I have gotten to heal from that red doesn’t stand so much for power anymore but for love. Love is my power!
Thanks for reading!!! Especially if you read it all the way to here.
Much love and peace to you!