Growing up and in many of my relationships I felt like one of those “dolls on a shelf,” You know for looks, eyes wide open, expressionless, quiet, unable to speak and communicate. Sometimes I would be taken down to play but always to another’s wants, needs and desires, moods.
I think that many of us feel that way. We want to escape the mundane, lifeless existence. We want to adventure but we don’t know how, how to communicate it or even where we want to go. We become used to living in a limited space and the drama that goes on all around us while with eyes wide open we sit wishing to participate in life.
I finally got off the metaphorical shelf and started my own journey and was hurriedly fleeing from here to there, and then actually returning as there was a lot of fear. My first journeys were actually to find the peace in my head. I didn’t go anywhere physically but I learned sitting on that shelf with my eyes wide open that what people did to feel free was to drink and fight about feeling free and that was what being an adult was like. I saw a lot of chaos but knew in my soul I wanted off the shelf and to travel some place that felt clarity and beauty.
I created beauty all around me in my little space, I was coming from the shelf to my own place. I knew early on that was my gift. I got on the path to turn chaos to clarity, destruction to beauty. My eyes were wide open and I was coming alive. What I didn’t realize yet though was that I still had no voice, without a voice there still is no choice. I finally laid down and closed my eyes as my search for real love seemed in vain. What I really knew of travels and adventures was the other shoe falling and heartbreak, I thought that was real. So I still wasn’t real yet even though I had seen clearly not being able to communicate or distinguish what was real was still an illusion of confusion.
You see really my eyes were mere slits as my adventure took me on many bends and turns I was out of control still. So off the shelf eyes open and able to close but due to doing what I knew and what I saw I froze, unable to speak and trying to find my power but feeling pretty weak. Searching for this freedom that I had seen I learned that weakness was what they call “powerlessness” in recovery. I had to find recovery because as a doll I was still going where drugs/alcohol, and people took me, still doing what others wanted me to do and be with my eyes with what I thought was wide open only to partially see the big picture in front of me when I took the adventure to live authentically.
The adventure through taking the steps, learning to walk on my own took me from being a powerless doll to an empowered woman through learning what was really real, I could think and I could feel, I then learned how to express my own needs, wants and desires. I just had to adventure within to learn what they were and are. I went from a powerless doll to an empowered woman by learning to open my mouth. I never knew my mouth contained such powerful words of my own. It took more than one time for me to work the steps for my continued growth, I still remain teachable on this adventure of life, real life! it’s not fantasies of failures made up in my head but cherishing each and every moment instead, with eyes wide open to see what is in front of me with excitement and clarity; with legs that can walk and take me on many adventures without ignorance and fear, much grace and gratitude with each step to freedom more near; my mouth and face help me to express my words, I say words that I never heard like ” Divine,” I’m sure that I heard them but they were not mine, they are now. I am open to hear even more as I listen with intent so I am sure of what is real and what is meant. I have learned I was much more than ” A Doll on a Shelf,” I was more than that I was something else, I get to create myself. I get to use my arms and hands to give and receive, this is the life I am to live I truly believe. A life of purpose and intent, with many adventures that free my soul and the light and love of my soul continue to grow. You see that’s the difference all along to an empowered life and being strong 🙂
Whether you are male or female and feel like a doll on a shelf please know that you are something more to take your journey to something else. I hope this reading helps you to help yourself, get your ass off of that shelf!!
Thanks so much for reading!