ROLES-IDENTITIES; EVER-CHANGING EVOLUTION

As I write about roles, identities and how we are connected to those but really in reality we are all just souls, “just souls isn’t to be slighted, it is to be realized that we are all equal and more, not so much the identities, roles and expectations we place on ourselves and others which are not equal.

The problem is as humans we forget. We forget what it is like to be a kid and place over-bearing expectations on them and ourselves, not staying in the moment and allowing them to be who THEY are and watching them express themselves but replaying our parents in our minds and what we liked or disliked about our own childhood and trying to perfect that through our expectations we placed on our children before they were born that the poor little souls knew nothing about. We evolved as children, we were the children that either got praise for accomplishments, admonishments for failures, or was dragged around like accessories to our parents conflicted lives. We grew into adults that either repelled or attracted the same behaviors as parents. As the evolution from generation continued a sort of codependent thought system was created over and over again, I am not saying this is good or bad I am saying that just because we gave birth to these little ones doesn’t mean that they are a reflection of us though they may very well physically resemble us as their parents. We attach so much of ourselves and our own needed evolution to our kids. We say ” we want them to have better,” then bitch about the millenials being “entitled.” I am not saying that they aren’t, what I am saying is that we created this. It is normal and natural that we want our children to do and be better than our experiences when we acknowledge evolution. I think what the problem is that we are creating from our own unhealed pain, trying to create other people from our unhealed pain is not evolving because we are creating pain from pain. We have heard the saying that “hurt people hurt people,” well healing people heal people.

For this world to change the sad course that it is on, we need to create from healing which allows us to strive to live as our authentic and original selves and allow others to do the same. When we are trying to measure up to those around us, you know worried what the neighbors think, the people at the school, the people at work, what car we drive, what our house looks like on the outside, what we are holding onto inside in fear of lack, and etc… We have been taught, aka programmed to “measure up,” which like addiction causes much pain, we buy things we can’t afford afraid to say no, because of what, not measuring up, that our kids won’t have what the other kids have rather than being creative and teaching them to problem solve and be different. They learn this and then tell us to google it much to our frustration. Our fears of being inadequate are then transferred onto the children and they do feel it in all ways it shows up. Not all parents do this but the tv and media are a great motivator for telling us how to run our lives and due to trying to measure up many of us used this means as a babysitter while we did other obligations, de-stressed from a day of working trying to measure up to pay for the purchases we got when the tv told us what car to buy to make us happy, what toys to buy to make our kids happy as many fought, got on list to struggle for these gifts that the child didn’t even know the hardship the parent went through or the love that they were supposed to have for such gift because the child wasn’t trying to measure up … unless the parent placed the child in an environment that would secure their status.

With that being said, I am not saying to not pay for schooling that will allow a child to expand their consciousness. I think that in these times the world needs more of that. I believe we need parents and schools to encourage children to be themselves and celebrate their individuality to where they learn more about principles than price tags, where they want more than about plumping their lips like celebrities but pumping their resilience muscles through problem solving, that they are encouraged to do things and continue through their failures. Instead of giving ribbons for one limited activity or thing that people are good at helping explore what they love and give them a ribbon for that. These I think are ways that we can grow.

Am I an expert in this field? Hell no, the hardest field is parenting and some of these kids educators are parents too and are trying to balance their home lives, families, jobs, possibly status, and etc… as well. Who has time for healing? Well we can do it now or do later, or do it never, no, in my belief system if we don’t do it in this life we will get to do it in the next. That is what everlasting life means to me. I believe we were given the kingdom and we are supposed to create it and not judge and wait to go somewhere else, we were given gifts and talents and they are meant to develop a paradise for all humanity that is inclusive. A body is limited and the soul everlasting and evolving and that the job here is to create the paradise we long for rather than expecting it just to be there, we would n’t need free will of our own minds if we weren’t meant to create, but the polar of that is something we are supposed to evolve from by example of principles and revelations not rules and expectations.

Now back to these roles and identities. I, myself have been a kid formed by parents, a teen formed by friends, a codependent partner and parent formed by spouse, an addict formed by drinking and drugs, a single-mom formed by my wounds, created wounds for my kids, a student in life learning how to give, a proud parent, a bereaved parent, an empty nest parent, and etc… These are parts of my evolution, and maybe for some of you parts of yours too. Many of our parents didn’t have the tools and resources that we have been fortunate to have through media and research for free to help them in their evolvement and I feel for them too as I have seen and sat with may who have carried shame and guilt, it is with compassion that I feel for them. When I was a kid, and even before the only way parents knew how to express evolving was the statement, “wait till you have your own kids!” That is because parenting is the hardest job in the world because of all the things I listed above, we try so hard to do it right, and better and more!!! I am so grateful I had been given the Love and Logic series of Cd’s to help me figure out tactics with my kids, no, I wasn’t perfect but did I hurt them anymore through my inability to be able to figure things out as far as parenting went? I don’t think so, now on a personal level of navigating my own life I know my now adult child has thoughts on that, but just like me hopefully she will remember who I am one of these days and that I am her Mom but I am more than a title or a role, I am still that child, teen, parent, addict, proud Mom, bereaved parent, sponsor, life coach and more. I am healing and am a healer, that is my God given purpose to learn and be more than I was before, we all are, sometimes we just don’t remember that to know we have to grow. I am evolving!

Some people don’t care to evolve I think from fear of the unknown and the pain because every choice has a cause and effect. I can be grateful today for all that I have been and look forward to what I can become but I know that it too has a cause and effect for as every choice I have made is good until it is not and time to evolve again. I have learned that taking it personal causes the pain, I also know too that pain is our greatest motivator. I am not saying to go out and get yourself some pain, I am saying that we have a bumper sticker in the program that says “pain is inevitable, misery is optional.” Being paralyzed by fear is painful and miserable, our soul desires to grow. Life on life’s terms has pain but it also has so much joy and many gifts that can be gained through the pain and healing evolution thereof so we can be better and do better but not stress ourselves and others out.

When we quit trying to put expectations on these roles and identities knowing they are a part of our evolution, that they are only as temporary as the pain and joy we can evolve… or not. The attachment to these things become less and the appreciation of each become more. This life is an adventure of the ups & downs, in & outs, the dark & light, it is unreasonable to have an expectation that things are going to stay one way all the time so do what makes you happy (harm none), be present and then some. These polarities are the magnetic part of this world, we draw to us what we give the most energy to so don’t buy into the trap of the “ain’t it awful and stay focused on that,” it is awful but this world is expansive and definitely needs healing and evolving, healing is NOT judging and comparing which involves no work at all from our human level but healing is becoming authentic and truly who we want to grow and be, we are all still children of this universe, our lives are a blessing and not a curse, quit comparing to which one is worse. Just live and remember who you are and let’s quit trying to make other people make us feel comfortable which is not comfortable but find our inner child, who we were before the world told us who to be and live our lives authentically in humanity.

Once we realize things are more expansive than we think and not as limited as we thought, we can let go of past things that hold us back in the thoughts of lack and take our power back. We can educate, heal and learn and walk on those bridges we thought we had burn. It is then when we realize our own power in consciousness that we can let ourselves and others be who they are and intended to be.

That’s all ~

Thanks for reading!